Therapist really wants me to make an appointment with a psychiatrist so I can get evaluated and potentially medicated for ADHD. Working up the nerve to talk to a therapist was hard enough. I don't think he completely understands why it's so hard for me to talk to another new person so quickly.
He asked me when I think I lost my ability to focus on things. I said what I really lost was my ability to hyper-focus on things. I've always been "hop from one thing to another" but usually in large blocks of time. Now I don't so much hop from thing to thing but manage a thing for 15 minutes and then space out for an hour. When I try to go back to what I was doing I have no idea what I was doing and can't start again. It's like I've stopped understanding English, or I'm starting like I've never done the thing before.
"What do you think will help you get back into the things you like?" he asked. "I don't know. That's why I'm here." I replied. He went through the routine about how he's not there to give me answers but to lead me to them, and I wanted to yell "I don't function that way. I need someone to tell me what to do."
It's true. I'm a secondary character. I'm a sidekick. Largely an NPC. If I haven't been coded to do something I will not be able to do it. I might not even be aware it's there. I have absolutely no executive function of my own, so I need someone to be the executive.
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